Best Man Speech Funny & Inspirational -- Marriage

I am going to keep this speech fairly short because of my throat, Pooja said that if I made fun of the groom too much she would cut it. Pooja, you look absolutely gorgeous†¦ radiant. I saw Salim swell with pride when he saw you today. He is truly a lucky man to have someone so attractive, intelligent, warm and caring. A wife who will be all he could ever wish for, and more. And my little brother†¦well well†¦ you’ve finally done it†¦ after 30 years of endless soulsearching†¦ you’ve finally taken the plunge†¦ and admitted that I am really the best man. Thank you for giving in. It’s been a long struggle†¦ and the best man has won. And now I hope you don’t mind if I kick you while you’re down†¦ I’ve been waiting for this chance for 30 years, and have been building up a portfolio of all the crude, rude and lewd things Salim got up to over the years. So.. we have a bald filmmaker and a short lawyer getting married†¦ a comedians dream†¦ but I promised salim that I wouldn’t mention the word short or bald in this speech†¦ plus, pooja is actually quite tall†¦ for a 7 year old†¦ Anyways†¦ Let me tell you a little story†¦ it begins about 5 years ago†¦ A day I’ll always remember†¦ when Priten, Pooja’s brother, came home to a party which my sister Tasreen held, with his two lifelong loves†¦ Pooja and a bottle of Jack Daniels. We all thought that Pooja was his girlfriend, but as the night progressed, we noticed Priten paying much more attention to Jack†¦ and Pooja was left unattended sitting on the balcony stairs†¦ Salim came onto the scene, baseball cap carefully placed to cover his bald spot, surveyed the terrain and pounced on the stair next to Pooj†¦ Pooja was startled†¦ ‘hi’ Salim said, ‘you have really nice feet’†¦ Pooja’s startled... ...ratulations on the termination of your isolation, and may I express my appreciation of your determination to end the desparation and frustration that has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make this unification and bring an accumulation to the population. So as I end my toast to this occasion, and wrap up my salutation, I raise my glass to this combination, and bid good luck to the consummation! So cheers, and on with the celebration! Now, I’d like to think that Salim chose Sachin and me to be joint best men so that we could both be by his side on his wedding day. But I really think that he only picked us for the wedding photos. Me, so he'd look slimmer, and Sachin, so he'd look taller. You see what I mean in a moment†¦ Sachen has been Salims oldest friend, and is an honorary Keshavjee and has a few words to say†¦ over to you Sachin!